Resisting consumerism for the holidays

Rochester Business Journal by Abigail McHugh-Grifa

November 29, 2023

I love the holiday season, and my favorite part is giving gifts to my children. Though I’m not a big shopper in general, being in the role of Santa Claus (even though my kids don’t believe in Santa), somehow unleashes the consumerist monster from deep in my soul. Two years ago, I went especially overboard (my kids never got around to playing with some of the toys I gave them), so of course I felt disappointed in and disgusted with myself afterwards. Not wanting to repeat that experience, I reined myself in a bit last year, and this year I’m determined to more fully align my gift giving with my values.

I know that my tendency to buy my kids an excessive number of gifts comes from a place of love, but there are certainly healthier, more environmentally-friendly ways to express my love for them. Though I have fond memories of receiving huge piles of Christmas presents when I was growing up (because my mom also enjoys gift giving), I know I would have felt equally loved with fewer presents, and I might have developed a more responsible relationship with financial and natural resources at a younger age. One thing is for sure: I don’t want to unwittingly indoctrinate my children into our consumerist culture by teaching them to associate material possessions with love. 

Since their future wellbeing depends on the health of the planet, I also understand that I’m not doing my kids any favors by showering them with stuff they don’t need, especially if that stuff quickly breaks and ends up in the trash. So part of my goal for this year is to go for quality over quantity. Whatever I buy for them must remain useful and durable for a long time. Since many products aren’t designed for durability these days, that will be a challenge.

I’ve also shifted toward giving them more experiences (or rather handmade gift cards that they can cash in for experiences at a later date) instead of giving so many physical gifts. These are typically outings that I would have gladly paid for and provided them with at some point during the year anyhow (e.g., a trip to a museum or the rock climbing gym), but of course I don’t tell them that. I wrap these gift cards in brightly colored packages, so they still get to enjoy the experience of unwrapping something, and because it fills the space under the tree (which in our case is a big houseplant that we decorate every year). 

And speaking of packaging, we use wrapping paper on a few gifts, just for variety’s sake, but most of the gifts under our tree are in holiday-themed reusable cloth bags. This saves us a lot of time on Christmas Eve and reduces waste and cost over the long term. 

I’m also striving to purchase gifts primarily from small, local businesses, though I’ll probably need to make some exceptions for items that my kids really have their hearts set on (e.g., a Minecraft watch and Polaroid camera), because I don’t think it would be fair or wise to completely ignore their preferences. Fortunately, it will be easier to find locally-made gifts for the special adults in my life (e.g., handmade jewelry and Finger Lakes wine!), and I know I’ll have fun seeking out treasures that aren’t available at big box stores.    

The trickiest part of aligning the holidays with my values has historically been convincing extended family members to stop giving my kids too many gifts and gifts that are made from environmentally harmful materials. I’ve been fighting and losing this battle since before they were born. Again, I know it’s coming from a place of love, but since we’ve explicitly asked our relatives not to give us certain things, I sure feel grouchy when those things come into our home anyhow! If anyone has figured out how to solve this problem, I’d love to know your secret.

My final goal for this year is to spend more of our family’s resources on giving to the community and less on giving to ourselves. After all, ‘tis the season when piles of appeal letters from local nonprofits will start arriving in the mail, and as a nonprofit leader, I fully understand how important charitable donations are! So instead of tossing those letters straight into the recycling bin, I’m planning to engage my kids in the process of deciding which causes we will support and how generous that support will be. I anticipate that it will spark some interesting (and possibly contentious?) conversations about our family’s needs and wants relative to other families, which will hopefully get us thinking about the deeper meaning of the holidays.

And regarding that deeper meaning, I’m embarrassed to admit that without the focus on gifts and consumerism, my sense of what the holidays are for is fuzzier than it should be. Since I didn’t grow up in a religious family, giving and receiving presents has historically been the highlight of the holiday season for me (along with eating big meals and getting time off from work/school). Intellectually, I know that love, generosity, and gratitude should feature prominently, but without piles of gifts, our family doesn’t have solid traditions for operationalizing these values. Since I don’t want scaling down the exchange of goods to result in less fun and warmth, I will need to be intentional about creating new holiday traditions for our family that keep the magic alive.

Climate change and related environmental crises (e.g., plastic pollution) are systemic issues that require systemic solutions, but individual action is critically important too. For me at this time of year, that means keeping my inner consumerist monster in check. If you are similarly challenged, I hope you will join me in that struggle.